Bittersweet |
Summary:
Death can't be avoided but love can. When Garlock falls in battle, Soren finally says the words he should have said months ago.
Death can't be avoided but love can. When Garlock falls in battle, Soren finally says the words he should have said months ago.
They shouldn’t have split up. They should have stayed with the rest of the group or been more prepared. They should have been-
The last body thudded against the ground unmoving and for a moment Soren stood there in a fighting stance panting. Everything hurt, exhaustion made his body feel like it was made of lead, and the fact that he was still on his feet was a miracle he wasn’t going to question. But a wet cough from behind him shot movement back through his body and the borrowed sword clattered to the ground as he ran back to his companion.
“Garlock,” came out choked and pained as he knelt on scraped knees. His hands shook as he pressed against the massive wound bleeding Garlock dry. He gained a low moan but very little else from the orc. Tears stung the back of his eyes and blurred his vision. The fight had been too long, had drained him of every drop of magic. Now he was left to watch the other die. “Come on. Don’t die on me. Hilde’ll be here soon.”
Why hadn’t he saved enough magic for one last spell? He had taken on the spell just in case - he even had the materials for it - but without magic, the materials were nothing but dead weight in his bag.
Another wet cough but this time one of those emerald eyes opened enough to look at him. The corner of Garlock’s mouth ticked up. Soren couldn’t tell if it was a grimace or an attempt to smile. “Don’t think…I have much choice, Soren,” Garlock whispered, voice raw and words weak lacking any real air to support them. A wet cough stole more of his strength. It took far too long for that emerald eye to open again. “You’ll tell…you’ll tell her I’m sorry…won’t you? That I…I waited…as best I could.”
The sob tore itself from his chest. He choked on it, denying it as he shook his head. Tears streaked down his face but he didn’t notice. “You’ll tell her yourself, you idiot. She’ll be here in time. You’re going to be fine.”
Lies. Every word. And they both knew it. They had strayed too far.
A grimy hand pressed against the side of his head, his cheek, and he pinned it there with one covered in the other’s blood as another sob escaped him. “Hey,” Garlock croaked. Soren could hear the struggle when Garlock pulled a breath in. He hated it. “I’m sorry I couldn’t….couldn’t be strong enough…to wait for you, too.”
“No,” escaped his chest, overtaking the sob that had wanted to escape instead.
“That I…wasn’t strong enough to…to stay by your side…love.”
The hand went lax in his grip and he shook his head violently. He pressed the hand into his shoulder, pinning it there. “Don’t apologize for that! I should’ve-” he choked on the words- “I should have told you, should have gotten off that damn fence and finally told you I love you.” He couldn’t see the other through the tears any more but Garlock’s fingers curled slightly, some of the strength returning. “I should have told you months ago and I-” Sobs stole his ability to speak and he curled forward, pressing his forehead against Garlock’s shoulder.
The hand he had pinned to his shoulder moved into his hair, fingers quaking as they carded through the filthy strands. “Hey…it’s ok.”
Soren jerked back but pain flared in his back from some wound he had forgotten about. It kept him close as he glared through the tears. “No it’s not! I led you on with the hope that someday I’d say it back and I never did! Not until I couldn’t say it a thousand times for the rest of eternity.” The words died on his tongue. The sobs took their place.
“Oh, love,” Garlock sighed. There was slight pressure from Garlock’s hand and Soren rested his forehead against the other’s. “You could…still tell me now.”
No matter how weak those words had been, he heard the joy, the teasing, and the chuckle tangled with the next sob. He blinked his vision clear enough to meet Garlock’s gaze as the amusement and amazement cut through the sorrow. It didn’t stop the tears but it brought a watery smile to his face. “I love you,” he offered, pouring his heart into every word. “I love you so much, Garlock.”
Garlock smiled up at him but the hand at the back of Soren’s head lost its strength. “I’m so happy.” Soren lowered the hand to Garlock’s chest. His tears mingled with Garlock’s on the orc’s cheeks. “I love you too, Soren.” Soren pulled back as another cough tore at Garlock. When the orc settled, that emerald eye didn’t open. Every breath got weaker, rattling and wheezing in and out. “Loved you both.” More tears raced down Garlock’s cheeks. “Bittersweet…as it was.”
It was like a blow to the chest he couldn’t breathe through. “I’m so sorry, Garlock,” he urged, touching the other’s face, wiping away the tears.
“Love…you,” cut through before he could keep going.
“I love you too,” he offered around a strangled sob, pressing a kiss to Garlock’s lips. “I love you.” A kiss to a cheek. “I love you.”
The chest beneath him stilled.
He was fairly certain he had screamed. His throat certainly ached and his chest was tight like he had wailed for a long time after but he couldn’t remember as the sound of hurried footfall pulled him out of the exhausted dozing he had fallen into.
He had managed to get himself sitting before a body collided with him, though it probably only felt like it due to how tired he was and the amount of pain that flared from the contact. The smell of herbs, wood, and a hint of electricity filled his senses and he clung to Hilde, a fresh wave of sobs overtaking him. An oddly detached thought questioned why she was clinging to him and not trying to save Garlock. He knew it would have been wasted but she wouldn’t know that.
Maybe she did because her hands were firm against him and warm with healing magic. Maybe she did because her voice wavered as she tried to get him to talk, to tell her what had happened as she tended to his wounds. Maybe she did because when she couldn’t do anything more, she clung to him just as desperately, sobbing just as hard for whatever few minutes they had left before they had to move on.
The last body thudded against the ground unmoving and for a moment Soren stood there in a fighting stance panting. Everything hurt, exhaustion made his body feel like it was made of lead, and the fact that he was still on his feet was a miracle he wasn’t going to question. But a wet cough from behind him shot movement back through his body and the borrowed sword clattered to the ground as he ran back to his companion.
“Garlock,” came out choked and pained as he knelt on scraped knees. His hands shook as he pressed against the massive wound bleeding Garlock dry. He gained a low moan but very little else from the orc. Tears stung the back of his eyes and blurred his vision. The fight had been too long, had drained him of every drop of magic. Now he was left to watch the other die. “Come on. Don’t die on me. Hilde’ll be here soon.”
Why hadn’t he saved enough magic for one last spell? He had taken on the spell just in case - he even had the materials for it - but without magic, the materials were nothing but dead weight in his bag.
Another wet cough but this time one of those emerald eyes opened enough to look at him. The corner of Garlock’s mouth ticked up. Soren couldn’t tell if it was a grimace or an attempt to smile. “Don’t think…I have much choice, Soren,” Garlock whispered, voice raw and words weak lacking any real air to support them. A wet cough stole more of his strength. It took far too long for that emerald eye to open again. “You’ll tell…you’ll tell her I’m sorry…won’t you? That I…I waited…as best I could.”
The sob tore itself from his chest. He choked on it, denying it as he shook his head. Tears streaked down his face but he didn’t notice. “You’ll tell her yourself, you idiot. She’ll be here in time. You’re going to be fine.”
Lies. Every word. And they both knew it. They had strayed too far.
A grimy hand pressed against the side of his head, his cheek, and he pinned it there with one covered in the other’s blood as another sob escaped him. “Hey,” Garlock croaked. Soren could hear the struggle when Garlock pulled a breath in. He hated it. “I’m sorry I couldn’t….couldn’t be strong enough…to wait for you, too.”
“No,” escaped his chest, overtaking the sob that had wanted to escape instead.
“That I…wasn’t strong enough to…to stay by your side…love.”
The hand went lax in his grip and he shook his head violently. He pressed the hand into his shoulder, pinning it there. “Don’t apologize for that! I should’ve-” he choked on the words- “I should have told you, should have gotten off that damn fence and finally told you I love you.” He couldn’t see the other through the tears any more but Garlock’s fingers curled slightly, some of the strength returning. “I should have told you months ago and I-” Sobs stole his ability to speak and he curled forward, pressing his forehead against Garlock’s shoulder.
The hand he had pinned to his shoulder moved into his hair, fingers quaking as they carded through the filthy strands. “Hey…it’s ok.”
Soren jerked back but pain flared in his back from some wound he had forgotten about. It kept him close as he glared through the tears. “No it’s not! I led you on with the hope that someday I’d say it back and I never did! Not until I couldn’t say it a thousand times for the rest of eternity.” The words died on his tongue. The sobs took their place.
“Oh, love,” Garlock sighed. There was slight pressure from Garlock’s hand and Soren rested his forehead against the other’s. “You could…still tell me now.”
No matter how weak those words had been, he heard the joy, the teasing, and the chuckle tangled with the next sob. He blinked his vision clear enough to meet Garlock’s gaze as the amusement and amazement cut through the sorrow. It didn’t stop the tears but it brought a watery smile to his face. “I love you,” he offered, pouring his heart into every word. “I love you so much, Garlock.”
Garlock smiled up at him but the hand at the back of Soren’s head lost its strength. “I’m so happy.” Soren lowered the hand to Garlock’s chest. His tears mingled with Garlock’s on the orc’s cheeks. “I love you too, Soren.” Soren pulled back as another cough tore at Garlock. When the orc settled, that emerald eye didn’t open. Every breath got weaker, rattling and wheezing in and out. “Loved you both.” More tears raced down Garlock’s cheeks. “Bittersweet…as it was.”
It was like a blow to the chest he couldn’t breathe through. “I’m so sorry, Garlock,” he urged, touching the other’s face, wiping away the tears.
“Love…you,” cut through before he could keep going.
“I love you too,” he offered around a strangled sob, pressing a kiss to Garlock’s lips. “I love you.” A kiss to a cheek. “I love you.”
The chest beneath him stilled.
He was fairly certain he had screamed. His throat certainly ached and his chest was tight like he had wailed for a long time after but he couldn’t remember as the sound of hurried footfall pulled him out of the exhausted dozing he had fallen into.
He had managed to get himself sitting before a body collided with him, though it probably only felt like it due to how tired he was and the amount of pain that flared from the contact. The smell of herbs, wood, and a hint of electricity filled his senses and he clung to Hilde, a fresh wave of sobs overtaking him. An oddly detached thought questioned why she was clinging to him and not trying to save Garlock. He knew it would have been wasted but she wouldn’t know that.
Maybe she did because her hands were firm against him and warm with healing magic. Maybe she did because her voice wavered as she tried to get him to talk, to tell her what had happened as she tended to his wounds. Maybe she did because when she couldn’t do anything more, she clung to him just as desperately, sobbing just as hard for whatever few minutes they had left before they had to move on.